Updated: Jul 12, 2020
"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life" Elizabeth Gilbert
Welcome to the LOVE edition of Let's Heal Together.
As I researched for this newsletter I discovered that "love day" has extended from 14th February to now encompass the whole month. Across the internet most platforms are referring to February as the month of love.
The cynic in me would say this is down to the consumerist attempt to make us spend more. However, it causes concern and rings alarm bells for the mental health professional in me.
If you are in a loving relationship, Valentine's Day can be an exciting, romantic and beautiful affair. But if you're single or experiencing challenges in your relationship, it can be triggering and can highlight feelings of loneliness. I also believe that Valentine's Day increases the tendency for women to compare themselves with their friends, peers and others on social media.
In the past, being single on Valentine's Day was painful for me. I felt unworthy and like a reject as I watched friends and colleagues receive large bouquets of red roses, giant inflatable red hearts hanging off foil strings, or mysterious cards from secret admirers.
It took all my strength to set my face and countenance to, "I'm not bothered" as my head repeated the question over and over, "what's wrong with me?"
I reached a turning point about 10 years ago when the relationship I was in ended at the end of January. At first I was filled with horror at the thought of another single V Day.
Then collecting myself, I reminded myself that it was a good thing that the relationship had ended. That no matter how hard we tried to fit round pegs into square holes, that we were a bad fit. That sitting across the table from him opening a card and gift would not change anything. Although it was bad timing, the relationship had run its course.
A few days later I sat at my altar, allowing the grief, sadness and reality to surface while breathing heavily and trying not to cry.
I had an epiphany. What I missed most about not sharing Valentine's Day with someone was the special attention and the gift giving. You see my love language is "receiving gifts" followed by "acts of service". I asked myself what gift I would like to receive and the answer came immediately.
I would like to receive a silver dove necklace from Tiffany & Co. So I bought myself this special gift, placed it on my altar and on the 14th February, I sat down in meditation as usual and opened the famous blue box with glee.
This was an act of love and a strong affirmation that I could take care of my emotional and physical needs. It was a turning point in my personal and spiritual growth.
Of course there are many positives to being alone on Valentines Day. In her article, The Best Things About Being Single on Valentine's Day, Karen Young explains why.
"Being alone on Valentine’s Day does have its perks. As you’re reading the list that follows and noticing the glass half empty turning into a glass half full, remind yourself that whatever the glass is – full/ empty/ wine/ water/ delicious chocolate coated snacks – it’s yours, all yours – and you don’t have to share it with anyone. There are plenty of reasons to celebrate being single this Valentine’s Day". Read the rest of the article here.
Whether you're celebrating V Day with your sweetheart, best friend, furry friends or yourself, remember that love is all there is!
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